What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
