there's paper in my vomit.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
