I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
