We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
