and you said cock pushups were impossible
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize