If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
