The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
