Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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