he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
