If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
