the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You need Xanax blowdarts
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
