When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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