Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I will pee on everything he values.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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