some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
