Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
