hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
