Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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