Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
