are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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