My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
