Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize