My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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