just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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