I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize