I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize