I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the condom got lost in my hair
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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