It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
this will be a night to untag.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
