i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
