my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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