you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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