i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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