We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
