How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
