There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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