I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
