So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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