32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
