why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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