The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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