So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
