dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
