how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
