just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
