No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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