An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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