Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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