I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
