this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
