I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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