You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
