using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
