Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Rumble strips road head = magical
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
