did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
