and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
