Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
