I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize