just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize