His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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