Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
