My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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