okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
