I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
