ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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