He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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