...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
