mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
