The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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