Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
