you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
