I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
